It’s easy to make someone fall in love with you. Anybody can do it.
First, look in the mirror and remind (or admit to) yourself that you are lovable, and that you are deserving of love. Take in all your good qualities, physical and mental, and say, out loud if possible, “somebody will love all of these things about me.” Conduct a thorough evaluation of your positive attributes and your not-so-positive attributes. Sit down for this. Brew a pot of coffee. Try to view yourself as a stranger might see you, for example: tall, a few pounds overweight, good sense of style. If your self esteem tends to be low, ask a friend for help — an honest one.
Start a new document on your computer. Maybe a spreadsheet. Call it ‘self-improvement’ or something similar. Type out your goals, and the large and small steps you must take every day to reach them. Look at this once a day. Make a calendar reminder to check it. Now put it away. None of that will make someone fall in love with you, but the ability to see yourself as a worthy person capable of change is step one.
Don’t give anybody a reason to dismiss you right away. Dive into your social media persona and ruthlessly purge. Look through your images. If you don’t like the way you look in a picture, untag yourself or delete it. Go through your friend lists. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or the sight of their profile picture sparks bad memories, unfriend or unfollow them. Don’t remain connected to former friends and flings in order to stalk them or because looking at their lives makes you feel better about your own. As you meet new people (including, remember, the person who will fall in love with you) they will surely go through your profiles and check out your friends, and while you don’t need to portray yourself as perfect by any means, you should try to project a positive image. Don’t photoshop yourself. Don’t lie.
Each morning, as you get ready to go out into the world, recognize that today might be the day you meet the love of your life. Spend a few minutes picking out clothes that fit, maybe slather on a few products. No need to look flawless. The goal is to look put together, polished, confident.
As you go through your day, treat others with kindness and respect. One of them might be the person who will fall in love with you, or who knows somebody who will. Spend more time with individuals who make you feel good about yourself, and less time with those who bring you down. Cultivate a diverse, open-minded circle of friends. Go out of your way to meet new people. Recognize that every stranger you meet may become a friend, or maybe even your lover. At night, think about your day. Start a journal. Look at your self-improvement list. Consider the one small step forward you took today, and pat yourself on the back and say out loud, “Good job today!”
Stop eating and drinking sugar. Eat more vegetables. Exercise. Swim in a pool. Lift weights. Work on your posture; stand up straight. Stare at your naked self in the mirror and point out the traits that please you. Think about those traits as you walk down the street. Don’t be afraid to swagger.
You will meet new people, maybe every day and maybe just once a week, and some of these people will show interest in you. Be picky, but not unreasonable. Get to know those who aren’t your “type.” Be open to those you find attractive, even if others don’t agree with you. If somebody comes on too strong at the beginning, they are, beyond a doubt, bad news. Nobody will fall in love with you within minutes or weeks. If they say they do, they are troubled or desperate or both. Move on.
Go on dates. Take it slow. Ask people about their goals; mentally check them against your own. Answer questions honestly. Ask them about their life. Listen to what they have to say. Nod to show that you’re listening. Appreciate them for the attractive, fun, flawed humans they are. As you get to know them better, ask more probing questions. Listen carefully. Try to understand them. They’ll go back to their friends and say, “The person I went out with just understands me, I can’t explain it.” Well, this explains it: you have to work to understand people.
Don’t accept bad treatment or disrespect. Recognize that people who exhibit these characteristics are projecting their own insecurities onto you. You don’t need to accept this, because you are secure. You are aware of your good qualities and your bad qualities and what you need to do to reach your goals in life. Depending on the quality of your dating pool, you may spend more time disengaging than engaging. If you find yourself on a date with a negative person, thank them for their time and go home. Settle the bill if you must.
When you feel a connection with somebody, and their interests complement your own, and their goals are similar to yours, and you view the world through similar eyes while opening each other up to new ideas, reassess. Recognize that what you thought was impossible is indeed possible. It is possible to find love, and it could be happening right now.
Have sex. Talk during it; tell the other person what you like and what you don’t like. Try new positions. Laugh at funny noises. Accept that bodies are wonderful and strange and sometimes gross. Don’t withhold or partake in sex as punishment. Only have sex when you want to, and if one person is in the mood and the other person isn’t, talk about why. In the morning, cuddle. Use the other person as a pillow, and when they do the same, let them.
Don’t expect the relationship to change your life. You are still you, and now you are also a person who is falling in love. Tell the other person what they mean to you. Think of fun and interesting activities for the two of you to do together. Ask them, regularly, how they feel, how they are doing. Check in on their emotional state, to make sure you are on the same page. This builds the foundation for a successful relationship: open communication, honesty, affection.
Make them feel desirable. Compliment them. Listen to them when they tell you about their day. Let them know that you are on their side. Recognize their own negative attributes (remember, you have them, too) and try to neutralize them. Don’t point out their flaws. Don’t take your bad mood out on them. You don’t have to see them every day, but when you do see them, try to make their day a little better. Open up to them. Tell them something about yourself you have only told a few people. Cherish their secrets. Be vulnerable.
Live your life as though you are not in the midst of falling in love. Continue to work hard, check in on those goals. Hang out with your friends. Talk to your family. Keep exercising. Treat others with respect. When people comment on your new glow, thank them for noticing.
Because here is the secret. It is this glow — the happy light you emit when you are happy and in love — that will make the other person fall in love with you.
In short: to make someone fall in love with you, love them first.